i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
