hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
