My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All the doctor said was why
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
