I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
