On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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