The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
