I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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