wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my sisters under your porch take her home
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
