Tell her she can't have a vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
