oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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