Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
