rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
