I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
