He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
