I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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