sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
