By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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