Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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