Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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