so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
