i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
