U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
