she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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