____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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