there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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