she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
