There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
