I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
