I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
