you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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