I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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