I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
