WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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