i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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