Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't think brook has ever known best
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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