Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
