Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
