so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
