Christians are straight up FREAKS
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
