If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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