Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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