I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
