omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
