my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
