Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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