Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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