you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
