Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
