Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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