cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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